Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Looking Back, and Forward

Several moons have travelled across the sky since I've written.  Now, faced with how to catch up, I say, just jump in and do it!  Isn't it odd how liquid time is?  Moments pile up like sandstone, memories wash away details, monkey-mind elaborates and exaggerates!  What is one to do?

Smile and go with it?  Realize that what I put here is just my story, or all my story.  Let go, my Dear, of making it good or excellent or rotton or complicated.  Let it flow!

We have been at the Coast for a week.  It has been wonderful.  In fact, we are still here, though packing and leaving tomorrow by noon.  Yeah.  Going home.  Picking up the dogs!  Checking back in to my Life!  Renewed.  Resolved.  Inspired.  Quieter.  Maybe a little more solid.  

The past year has been full of growth.  Apparently my personal growth was needing some updating, as from here it seems that is all that I've been doing.  I tend to forget in any given moment, that Life has been very very very full.  My partners and I ran our Phantom IV Gallery for a year and a half, and closed it October 1.  By itself, that was an adventure!  for which I am grateful of every moment.  The Gallery experience moved me deeper into my own artwork, and also delighted with meeting and getting to know other artists.

The coming year excites me.  I look forward to renewed energy which emerges with the light.  This dark time of year is incubation, where seeds/ideas planted in dreams or conversation or writing swell and germinate.  Minutes of light extend each day moment by moment.  I can feel it!

Oh, and my new planner awaits me!  It's arrived!  And I cannot wait to crack it open!

My little secret:  I like the discipline of planning and doing.  For so long, spontaneous was very important to my way.  Let whatever happens lead.  Oh Lordy.  I cannot believe I did that for so long, not realizing the suffering I caused my own self.

Two and a half years ago I joined a 12 Step group to "try" and lose weight.  My weight has bugged me for as long as I have been spontaneous, I kid you not.  So, after watching my dear friend melting away, and asking her, "What the...???" she invited me to come to a meeting with her.  That was August 17, 2010.  Wow.  And what does Program do for one?  Let me tell you:  Following the Steps, using the tools, giving back to the Fellowship has brought the spiritual into my life, completely.  Yes.  Every morning I read my literature, I write in my journal, I pray, I meditate.  I call my sponsor, and my sponsee calls me.  I walk, I meditate.  I prepare and eat an abstinate breakfast.  I go to work, or take the dogs out, or do yardwork.  I prepare and eat an abstinate lunch.  I go to work, or to the studio.  I prepare and eat an abstinate dinner.  I make calls to Fellows.

And I have lost 58 pounds.  They are gone.  Don't even threaten to return.

Of course, Life is interwoven in this schedule.  Life with family, friends, spiritual community.  Interwoven is the key.  No longer tangled, knotted or torn.  A calm has enveloped my life.  No, not boring, or resigned, but a beautiful order.

The coming year promises more: art, fellowship, deepening relations, Love, writing, giving, growing.  I look forward to an incredible year.

For you I see good fortune, community, shared work, solidarity, faith, trust,  and love.  I see this for us all.  I celebrate.

I love you.


Ms. Moon said...

Wow! What a beautiful post. More of the same is what I wish for you in this new year.

Merry ME said...

So glad to see welcome you back.
58 pounds. Wow! that's awesome.
A lot of good stuff goes on in those 12-step rooms. I'm so proud of you.

N2 said...

So good to see your words and pictures here. Thanks for your love and great wishes for 2013. x0x0 N2

Kym said...

Those wave churning photos are gorgeous.

Kim and Victoria said...

Great post. I was in OA for years. Glad it's helping. Growth is always worth it, isn't it?

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