Surrender

I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues.  Duke Ellington

So grateful for the rain; busy praying up more more more

to find myself wanting wanting wanting more color

to notice it is right here here here.  Already.

"The Artist's Way," by Julia Cameron, is a stupefyingly great book written, ahem, or at least published, in 1992.  Last week I was devastated by the reading and my own writing.  What came up was old and musty, having spent quite a long time in the proverbial attic of my mind. Shocked by a very active CrazyMaker, I thought that I needed to sign quickly up for a psychic surgery of some kind.  Please, help me get this out!  away!  banned for good!  The next day, as I grumbled through at least 2 and 1/2 of the 3 Morning Pages, it suddenly dawned upon me that MY CrazyMaker is actually a very helpful and willing part of me!  Who else shows up, unbidden to proclaim, "Ha!  So what?!  You're screwed!!!"

And here are 4 Rules of the Road:

• Show up at the page.  USE the page to rest, to dream, to try.
• Fill the well by caring for my artist.
• Set small and gentle goals and meet them.
• Pray for guidance, courage and humility.

In the reading today I discovered this gem: ...this surge of sudden disinterest ("It doesn't matter") is a routine coping device employed to deny pain and ward off vulnerability. Hmmm, isn't that interesting!  I may need to apologise to my innocent self from about 50 years ago 'til now!  All that tough-stuff is so confusing! thinking that 'vulnerable' meant investing in Surrender Flags!   

Hee hee hee!  That is precisely what it means!

So I am willing to surrender to lemon yellow, orange orange, drops of rain poised to drop to the green green grass below.  I surrender to forgiving, to adventure, to tears, to transparency, to Loving This!  

And I leave you with this wonderful Mae West-ism:  Whenever I have to choose between two evils, I always like to try the one I haven't tried before.  

Yeah!  I surrender to that, too!

xoxoLC