Begin Again

After everything, I will love you

as if it were always before,

as if after so much waiting,

not seeing you and you not coming,

you were breathing

close to me forever.

Pablo Neruda, from 'Integrations'

This morning I gesso panels.  I love the process of Beginning.  Why didn't I photograph Rebekah and Mary yesterday as they each took a turn at a panel, gesso sticking and spattering and dripping?  I love to watch them.  You know, they came yesterday to help Nonnie (me) clean house, because she (me) doesn't like to do that much (unless I have someone to dance with).  They dusted, "Look!  You can't write my name here anymore!" and swept spiders out of corners with squeals and gusto (my fly-catchers!).  Then they decided that the dogs were dirty too, and needed washing (yes, this is definitely deja vu), SO we went outside and washed dogs.

Rebekah is a Gemini, and I a Gemini Moon, so we collaborate  in a most excellent way.  After all the tasks, and a few creative sandwiches we unwrapped the virgin panels and dug out the Gesso and brushes, put down the canvas drop-cloth and away we painted!

Then I went swimming in the Lake.

Now I pick up my brushes, open the Gesso can, and dip into the thick white stuff.  O Yes!

You were breathing close to me forever!

xoxoLaura

A Poem for today

Philosophy    

by Pablo Neruda

The truth of the green tree

in spring and of Earth's crust

is proven beyond a doubt:

the planets nourish us

despite eruptions

and the sea offers us fish

despite her quaking:

we are slaves of the earth

that is also governess of air.

Walking around an orange

I spent more than one life

echoing the earth's sphere:

geography and ambrosia:

juices the color of hyacinth

and the white scent of woman

like blossoms of flour.

Nothing is gained by flying

to escape this globe

that trapped you at birth.

And we need to confess our hope

that understanding and love

come from below, climb

and grow inside us

like onions, like oak trees,

like tortoises or flowers,

like countries, like races,

like roads and destinations.

gardens, harvest, neighbors, bounty

"I must be myself.  I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you.  If you can love me for what I am, we shall be happier.  If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should."  Ralph Waldo Emerson

My mother's sewing machine, cabinet and all, has been riding around with me in the back of my car for about five+ days.  My intention is to go through it today, discard and sort and take the whole-shebang to Goodwill.  Done.  Fee-nay.

Right.

So, it doesn't really go that smoothly.  I start and stop and start again.  I water something and bake a cobbler and go next door and help eat it.  Now the hood of the Explorer is covered with bobbins, weird assorted barely identifiable items, thread, and two packages of "deluxe Bra-Bak repair" which assures one that it will "add new life to your bra!"  The garbage can has about 3 thousand straight pins in it and now I am thinking that that is an environmental hazard.  O Goddess, this is a never-ending job!

And I am going around taking photos of the splendor around me, specifically my garden, and now I am branching out into Sandy's garden.  And it is occurring to me how Mom filled book after book after book of photos of her flowers, her garden, her cats and chickens,  and this morning I was laughing with her.  Of course she took innumerable photos of the splendor which she had a hand in creating!  Hanging fuchias and begonias, blazing dahlias, an unending progression of daffodils and apples, chickens in the kitchen and kittens in shoes.  Thanks Mom, for just being You.

  

I think I am "getting It!"

xoxoLC

Labrador mid-morning snack

Well, breakfast was good, and these are too.

And look who arrived in the mail yesterday!  All are up and peeping this morning!  Jolee was up two or three times during the night to check on them, the last time feeling worried because there was not a sound coming from the nursery box... to find them all sacked-out, laying on their sides!  Has anyone heard a chicken snore?  This little batch of mail-order mixed Bantums has landed in one of the Paradises On Earth... Jim and Jolee's.

Annie said that she "had fun at Nonnie's Jungle!"

And Life is Good in Nonnie's Jungle!

I love you!

xoxoLC

I lift up my mind and my heart

"I lift up my mind and heart to be aware, to understand, and to know that the Divine Presence I AM is the Source and Substance of all my good."

"I am conscious of the Inner Presence AS my lavish Abundance.  I am conscious of the constant activity of this Mind of infinite Prosperity.  Therefore, my consciousness is filled with the Light of Truth."  both quotes from JRPrice

Meditation notes from last night and this morning:  Last night was fidgety and restless.  Having returned home from our Thurs. eve Trek, I was ready maybe, to run a marathon.  Moonlight poured over the yard and vineyards and the mountains, thick and blue, illuminating everything.  The votive called me into its occasional  yellow flicker.  I do not recall relaxing...

This morning I am calmer, I feel relief.  Turning inward to Inner Presence: a place of calm and saturated color.  A place of infinite Connection, All present Presence.  "The Light of Truth" infills my consciousness...  until I start grasping and gasping to stay there!  

Square 1

"God is lavish, unfailing Abundance, the rich omnipresent substance of the Universe.  This all-providing Source of infinite prosperity is individualized AS me---the Reality of me."  JRPrice, and me, again.

Meditation Notes:  Well, Monkey Mind has turned into a troop of monkeys.  Or is it a herd?  A batch?  A flock.  A community, society or population?  At any rate, it is a whole truck-load of monkeys.

And I am back at Square One, which is the on-going title of all, or almost all, of my paintings. Variation-on-the-theme...  Square One Revisited.  Humm-dee-dum, making friends with the 1 squared.

I seem a bit cavalier this morning, a little "yeah, yeah, yeah."

Wandered around before starting, joined the Monkeys, take out the garbage, pick a pear, eat an orange tomato, water the chard.

Settling onto my chair, and breathing into this moment of "lavish unfailing abundance," there appears to be nothing to do but breathe into It.

I begin again, at Square One, grateful for the infinite Presence of renewal.

xoxoLPC

an old truck and an old saw

A new day, a new friendship, and he has always loved a good tree to cut up.

I am still reading a meditating, and have been a little pressed for time.  And I love you.

xoxoLC

#10! We did it! First time through.

"I keep my mind and thought off "this world" and I place my entire focus on God within as the only Cause of my prosperity.  I acknowledge the Inner Presence as the only activity in my financial affairs, as the substance of all things visible.  I place my faith in the Principle of Abundance in action within me."  JRPrice, and me.

Today's notes:  many distractions, not the least my monkeymind.   

My focus:  keep my mind and thoughts "on God within as the only Cause of my prosperity..." was extremely difficult to DO.  My candle went out (so to speak!), so I lit another and focused "soft eyes," letting the flame waver light through the thick red glass.

This soft beauty held my straying, contained it, invited my consciousness to the Inner Presence.  At this point, it is---no, it has taken--- enormous effort to focus on God within:  To relinquish the various stories of my unhappiness...

What is there to lose in this relinquishing?  Ha!  Think freedom, my Lady!

I love you.

xoxoLC

Day Nine

"When I am aware of the God-Self within me AS my total fulfillment, I am totally fulfilled.  I am now aware of this Truth.  I have found the secret of life, and I relax in the knowledge that the Activity of Divine Abundance is eternally operating in my life.  I simply have to be aware of the flow, the radiation, of that Creative Energy, which is continuoulsly, easily and effortlessly pouring forth from my Divine Consiousness.  I am now aware.  I am now in the flow."  JRPrice and me.

Notes on #9 Meditation, accompanied by the Beatles tune:  What a fabulous meditation this is.  O how I long to be here continuously!  And.  I am.

Yesterday I went through some hard stuff around my relationship with my sister.  Then I forgot my sheets for work, arriving there before realizing this (large) problem.  Then Wayne was triggered by me not smiling(at him) upon entering our office.  Then I was triggered by his junk/stuff.  Then I walked into my workroom, which was full of left-overs from the day before, and the room seemed all torn up.  Then I was in full-blown upset.

Okay, that was a lot of background... Monkey Mind Unleashed.

THEN, I did all the other stuff from yesterday and eventually went to bed, and to sleep:  Feeling very alone and over-worked.

Ms. Monkey must finish.

This morning I sat down to do my meditation and felt as though my entire environment was made of thick, 1950's architectural glass; slick, green and brittle with cracks around the edges.

THEN, I made calls for self-care, for Real Love.

             Apologised for my part.

             Came to Meditation,

              said an invoking Prayer

to find, Spirit Is Fulfillment.  I am now aware.

                                                     I am now in the flow.

Thank you, God-Within.

xoxoLC

#8th day of newness

"My consciousness of the Spirit within me AS my unlimited Source is the Divine Power to restore the years the locusts have eaten, to make all things new, to lift me up to the High Road of abundant prosperity.  This awareness, understanding and knowledge of Spirit appears as every visible form and experience that I could possibly desire."  JRPrice, and me.

Meditation Notes:   Ahh.  Big sigh of relief.   Not easy by any means, but persistence pays! Enough of the lists!  Down, Now!!!  Dogs settle in, share the sigh in half circles of body-poised to leap into action, another sigh and we all accept this Now, this moment, this perfect spot of willing gravity.

I wonder why I resist this connection?  I Love the shifting into the thick color of interior.  I love the quiet.  I love the leaving of tattered surface, lists fly on half-slips and receipts, away like yellow cottonwood leaves dancing end-to-end in the wind up the road.  Leaving imaginings. Leaving old beliefs, old jealousy, old judgement.  None of this serves me, only limits me. Leaving all that to its own existance.  

Allow:  the past is healed.  

Restore: lift me up to the High Road.

Restore:  aware, understand and know:  Spirit appears as every visable, tangible form and experience that I could possible desire.

And today I awoke to a sky filled with fancy clouds alight in the rising sun.

xoxoLaura

06aug08

a poem emerges

the whole body of things

he comes to her every morning

sweet, plump and hungry

I write a poem of despair

from a sea of wanderings

nibbling at tender treats

underground in raw caverns

where unturned thoughts waver

every plump morning

he comes, sweet and hungry

the river goes underground to cool

I write a poem of despair

from the dry wasted sand

screaming in the wind

hungry, he comes to me

the whole body of things

wandering under, sliding above

ripped by heat, seared by elements

eroded over timeless season

morning comes plump and sweet

hungry

LPC8/8/08

Seven being an awakening

"The Divine Consciousness that I am is forever expressing its true nature of Abundance.  This is its responsibility, not mine.  My only responsibility is to be aware of this Truth.  Therefore, I am totally confident in letting go and letting God appear as the abundant all-sufficiency in my life and affairs."  JRPrice and me.

Meditation notes for Day 7:  Meditation broken up by my multi-tasking---thought that the Quinoa would take an hour to cook?

The Divine Consciousness that I AM is forever expressing!   I come back. Crowds of Ravens woke me up this morning, and they have taken up residence in my head with their gathering and conversing and celebrating.   "...forever expressing its true nature.  This is its responsibility, not mine."  Step aside!  I think, and then remember: Spirit is all places at all times---there is NO separation between expressing and not expressing.  No stepping aside, as it is all one side.  Just a little getting out of my own way?

Eric Butterworth says, "There is no place in all the Universe where substance is any more present or any less present than right where (I) am.  Could there be a point on Earth where gravity has any more pull or any less pull than the point where you are?"   Of course, I say, the best gravity on earth is right here at my feet, holding on for dear life.  

Awareness of my Divine Nature circumvents judgement, pain, agony, etc.  "My only responsibility is to be aware of this Truth."  Confidence.  Let go.  Let God appear as the abundant all-sufficiency IN MY LIFE AND AFFAIRS.  The impulse which creates elecrical current to beat my heart Knows.  I am responsible for the loving thought which dwells on my Good, All-good, Good in-and-as-all.  I dwell upon the Loving Thought.  I simply Dwell.

O Thank God, this does get much simpler.  

xoxoLaura

days 5 and 6, and oh so much!

"Money is not my supply.  No person, place or condition is my supply.  My awareness, understanding and knowledge of the all-providing activity of the Divine Mind within me is my supply.  My consciousness of this Truth is unlimited, therefore, my supply is unlimited."  JRPrice, and me.

Last night, after a very full day, I sat down to do my study and to meditate.  O.  Quite a different matter to meditate after sitting on a hill high above Dry Creek with a vista beyond description, drinking various wines and eating a divine lunch under young Redwoods with dear friends, one of whom is celebrating her birthday.  Of course, now that I am writing this, I am noticing a description of full-beyond-measure Prosperity.

Notes from last nights meditation:  went deep into what felt like sleep---it's late (9pm).  Making sense of the meditation, not possible:  make it into my words:  I am aware and understand and know that the all providing activity of the Divine Mind within me is (IS) my supply.  I accept the unlimited Truth (Truth has no limits)   therefore my supply is unlimited.  

"My inner supply instantly and constantly takes on form and experience according to my needs and desires, and as the Principle of Supply in action, it is impossible for me to have any needs or unfulfilled desires."  JRPrice, and me...

Notes on this morning's meditation:  Monkey Mind Galore:  grocery list: salt and nuts

To Do List:  make broth, dig potatoes, go to work, finish poem... oh there are 2 poetry sessions today, take potatoes next door...

letting go of the fiction:  that this story is the end-all,be-all.  Comparing: last night's seeming oblivion to this morning's Monkey.  Meditation draws me into a peaceful place, filled with layers of birdsounds.  Feeling psychotic.  worry worry     O! A burst of pulsating color and the peace returns.  Dogs mill, thump, gaaaaaacckkk! bump.  Settle down onto my foot.

"My inner supply constantly + instantly takes on form +experience according to my needs + desires..."  quiet here, to allow Witness to engage           free of judgement         "...and as the Principle of Supply in action, it is impossible for me to have any needs or unfulfilled desires."

Which may be an unhooking from the fiction of judgement, of story:  allowing the buzzing of life on this plane to buzz.  This is what E.Butterfield says this morning: We talk of faith that God will provide, but what do we mean?  ...Faith doesn't influence God "out there" to send riches to fill our needs "down here."  Faith is the spiritual capacity by which we may form and shape this ever-present basic element of Spirit-substance... 

I am feeling in this moment so full of an idea which seems bigger than I can manage.  Of course, it isn't, or it wouldn't be here ;-)   Just a little more of E.Butterfield:  The word Universe, in its literal meaning, is "the whole body of things," the basic unity of all life.  Actually, we are implying a larger thought of God.  The words 'God' and 'Universe' can be used interchangeably, referring to the whole of things, or Allness, which is present in all and through all.      

The whole of God is present at every point in space at the same time.

I think we are on to something here....

fourth day, Peruvian potatoes, Substance

The Truth about Substance: click on the image for a visual of this Truth...
"Through my consciousness of my Godself, the Crist within, as my Source, I draw into my mind and feeling nature the very substance of Spirit.  This substance is my supply, thus my consciousness of the Presence of God within me IS my supply."   JRPrice + me.

Meditation notes:  not getting it.  Blah blah blah,  Stop, read the words aloud.  Reading the words again, pausing, reading and return to sitting in the roar in my head.  This breath, now.

Image appears:  a soft curve of planet, beautiful.    Becomes a circle, a full planet, like those that form in lava-lamps.  This form is full of sacred hand-prints, palms upward and outward, like sacred fans.

My Godself, the Christ within, the Goddess within; I draw this in with my breath, in TO my physical experience.   This is where I am one with Spirit.

Blahblah, o such persistence!  All the people who have ended their lives here on Earth, are sourced from this same Source.  A wave of grief:  like Don was here; recognition that now he understands.

This substance is my supply: God within me IS my supply.  No one person, place of thing is my supply.  Just this pure and sacred Life.  No intermediary necessary, no pope, or guru, or religion.

From "Spiritual Economics," by E. Butterworth: "Most of us have grown up under the influence of religions that dealt with a Universe of many parts: God and heaven above, Earth and human life beneath, hell and Satun under the Earth.  Perhaps we have been freed from the latter, and we may have come to an "omni" view of the former.  But too often we have failed to get it all together.  This is what religion should be.  The word religion comes from a root word that means "bind together."  Thus the word actually means unity, oneness, wholeness... Unfortunately, religions have been institutions istead of perceptions, something you join rather than a transcendence you experience..."

I am a Saggitarius, with Gemini moon, and Virgo rising.  (Shhhhh, I am going somewhere with this!)  Saggi can be unbearably esoteric, while simultaneously distracted by the party down the street.  Gemini jumps from emotion to idea to what-EVER!  Virgo brings aesthetic, detail, beauty.  I have been advised by an astrologer (a decade ago...) to get myself into Spiritual Practice and Meditation, as this particular combo can be "...genius or insanity..."  Eeek!  So this idea/concept of Spirit within me, you, every-ONE, can be frustrating for me.  It is easy for me to see and experience Spirit within you.  There are some idiots 'out there' which challenge me.  And, of course, there are some idiots within here which challenge me.

Yesterday digging potatoes I discovered these gorgeous purple ones.  They were part of a very busy ecosystem.  I pulled weeds off the top of the soil, and gently tugged on the brown potato vine which revealed the where-abouts of the treasure.  Gently digging further I discovered iridescent, translucent, perfectly round, white eggs glowing in the black earth.  I found bright red centipedes, earthworms, some little white crawly things, roots, slugs, roly polys, and a huge snail.

I am so grateful for this experience of opulent plenty.  Fear melts in the face of this evidence.   Spirit within recognises itself in the beauty of the soil, in the soil community, in the bounty.  I am of this substance, living and breathing me.

Blessed Be.

xoxoLC

 

  

I can't resist

Luna accepts her good.  Just take that stupid camera somewhere else.
Please.

Iloveyou!

xoxoxoLC

tender today

"I am conscious of the Inner Presence AS my lavish Abundance.  I am conscious of the constant activity of this Mind of infinite Prosperity.  Therefore, my consciousness is filled with the Light of Truth."     John Randolph Price, and me.

Meditation notes with some elaboration:  no flashing, gorgeous lights this morning: most likely saving-up for a moment to be revealed.  I am intrigued by the process, as one Meditation will be so amazing, and the next will be completely different.  My awareness of acceptance grows with this experience; acceptance relaxes the whole 'judgement' thing.  Flashing lights or fabulous insights are fun, and have no more 'value' than calm, or nothing.

I feel deeply content.  The sounds of the small clock, the rooster crowing, Hummingbirds and Orioles at the feeder, yin/yang dogs curled up on the floor, breathing: All Is Well.

My lavish Abundance desires me!  The constant activity of One Mind of Infinite Prosperity reveals Itself in the brightness of the Oriole flipping down to the birdbath, the enormous potatoes I'm havesting, the sweet peaches I've put into the dryer, the woodpile Wayne is growing.  My mind is filled with the Light of Truth.

Eric Butterworth, in "Spiritual Economics," says, "The starting point in realizing prosperity is to accept responsibility for your own thoughts, thus taking charge of your life.  You are not responsible for what is said in the Wall Street Journal or what comes out of Washington in the form of economic indicatiors, but you are very much responsible for what you think about these things.  You cannot afford to let the so-called experts decide how you are going to think and feel.  For how you think and feel about the economy in general and your financial affairs in particular will unvaryingly determine what you experience.   ...make a commitment to get yourself and keep yourself in the positive stream of life.  Refuse to indulge in casual conversation (should the word be causal?) about the bad economy, etc or about anything you really do not want to say "yes" to.  Eliminate such thoughts as "I can't" "I'm afraid" and "There is not enough" from your consciousness.

Often outside 'stories' have crumbled my ability to stay focused on the Light of Truth.  I have believed in, and taken my information about life from the "effects," and been quite miserable. My Practitioner has wrassled with me over this for many months, and one particular time the idea seeped into the cement in my mind... I am taking information from the wrong place!  I was trying to make brownies with the ingredients for chicken noodle soup!  Using a square peg for a round hole!  Making a whole lotta work for myself!

Who wins when I say, "Yeah, BUT MY reality is the truth for me!!!!"?  Truth sighs in return, "Yes, Laura, you may have that as your reality."  And what is apparent is that my word spoken is 'my truth,' my creation.  Simple choice.  Be impeccable with my word.  Just as easily, more in fact, I declare my truth to be infinite Prosperity, constant unconditional Love, Joy and Fun.  Yes.

xoxoLC